life as missy

Happy Birthday! {number three}

2012-01-24T21:07:00.000-08:00

well, hello!

2012-01-22T15:26:00.000-08:00

Hurrah! I'm back and blogging!

I enjoyed a long winter "break" at work and I'm now back working 9-5, full time, Monday through Friday. I transferred to a different location and am now working for the same bank on a college campus here in the city. I LOVE it. The students are awesome and it's great to be working with a younger crowd. It's a super small branch but the other banker and I get along fabulously and if I have to spend 40 hours a week away from my family- I'm glad it's with her!

We're leaving for our annual Disneyland extravaganza at the end of February and we cannot wait! Landon is going to love it this year and since Cars Land isn't opening until after we go- we may just make another trip down there at the end of the year sometime. I swear, this kiddo is obsessed with Cars! Pretty much every one of his birthday gifts this year is related in some way to Lightning McQueen.

Speaking of birthdays, Landon is going to be 3 on Tuesday!

We're just going to have a family day, just the three of us, doing all of his favorite things. We'll go to play at the Jump and Party, get lunch at McDonalds and have a cake (and presents!)

I'm super excited!

I've been doing some shopping here and there- mostly online- and I'm super excited to get some new cute tops from Old Navy and these adorable hot pink skinnies from delia's. (Remember delia's?!) I want some red ones too- I'm seriously considering these J Brand skinnies from Neiman Marcus! How cute would they be with a white tank, chambray shirt and leopard print flats? And maybe some statement jewelry...?

Anyway. I ordered the Girls Next Door seasons 1 & 2 on DVD from Amazon and should be getting it shortly. I don't know about you, but I seriously miss Holly, Bridget and Kendra.

And I finally, finally ordered some Hunter rain boots!!!
In (what else?) hot pink of course!

Hunter High Gloss Fuchsia Rain Boots!

Have you heard of Stella & Dot?! I am obsessed. I think I first heard of the brand in Lucky magazine and haven't been able to look away since. I've ordered a few things and one of my favorite pieces is this eternity band in rose gold. I've been wearing it below my wedding ring set and it looks gorgeous! The rose gold with the white gold and platinum of my set looks really pretty.

Hey, it's me! I've been on a mission to be super blonde and I'm really enjoying the change from my natural color. I did try myself to bleach it out and can you say orange hair?! My poor stylist still hasn't let me forget it. We now refer to it as "the unfortunate incident." Anyway, I now go in to see him for a touch up every three weeks and I couldn't be happier;)

Me and my boy. No longer baby or toddler. We know our ABC's and can count to 20. Now, please God, on to potty training.
Hold me.

Merry Christmas!

2011-12-26T15:32:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas!

We were able to spend Chrismas Eve with some family and got a picture of Jesse, his dad, and his grandpa. (And Landon of course!)

Landon wasn't feeling the whole "lets take pictures in our Christmas Jammies in front of the tree idea."

This was the best one we got.

I got a fireplace!!! So excited! I've always wanted one and this fits perfectly below the tv. And Santa brought Landon his trainset. I've actually had it since August- bought it off of Craigslist for hardly anything. It's so fun and Landon LOVES it!

Visit to Santa

2011-12-18T13:13:00.000-08:00

Waiting in line to see the big guy! This Santa was great- very real. If that makes sense. The other Santa at another mall we frequent is a bit of a creeper.

Landon wasn't too sure but since he was holding onto two of his favorite cars, he was feeling extra brave.

"Hi!"

Cheeeeese!

"I don't know mom..."

He was pretty much crawling up my back trying to stay with me. Santa said "hey mom, just put him on my knee."

And I did. And he loved it. We asked for a train set and (what else?) cars.

Landon and his cousin Lillianna all "Christmasy" in their fun jammies.

happy birthday lillianna!

2011-10-22T21:16:00.000-07:00

Welcome to my house! It looks quite festive, yes? I seriously felt all Martha Stewart tying up the corn stalks. I believe she'd be proud.

Our amazing spread which we made from scratch! (Or rather bought from Costco. And I'm totally eating more of the spinach/artichoke tip with amazing sliced french bread as we speak. Don't judge.)

The birthday girl!

Isn't she beautiful?!

Lillianna and her mama

(See where she gets her beauty from?!)

Oh and can I just say that Tangled is my new favorite disney movie? I want to be Rapunzel. I told Jesse that her blonde is the blonde I want to be. He's all "you realize she's animated right?"

Me and Lilly

(See, I'm still alive!)

I promise to be a better blogger. But as of right now I must get back to my spinach and artichoke dip and mimosa. I hope everyone has a fantastic weekend!

holla

2011-10-07T21:12:00.000-07:00

The coolest video on youtube. Seriously.

So hey guys! It's been awhile. I've been working and working and working. And then working some more. You know, just for fun. Or something. I have been doing well this far in my newest position; been with the bank for 4 months now and it is challenging and fun. Most days. I love working with people though and it's nice that I can do that everyday.

Landon is huge. He's 2 1/2 and talks non-stop. I wake up every morning with his little face right next to mine saying "morning mommy!" What I want to say is "please for the love of all things holy, it is 5:45am go back to bed" but I don't. Needless to say, my days start early around here. He can count to 10 and knows his colors and seems like he is asking questions all the time. I love how he wants to learn and how much he loves to be read to.

I discovered Boden and have bought waaay too much out of the catalog. But seriously, how much does this dress or this entire outfit completely look like something I should own?! Love.

Hurrah for bankers hours and the fact that I have a three day weekend!

some iphone photos to share

2011-07-16T22:02:00.001-07:00

working girl!

Pretty much just after Landon learned how to walk.
He was so little.
For whatever reason when folding the laundry, Jesse feels it is necessary to put
all of my panties on his head.

And it always makes me smile.

My little buggy girl! lillianna grace

I did some serious planting this year.
My dad would be so proud!

How I spent my morning today.

119 foils and 4 hours.

But it was totally worth it!

I win mom of the year award...yes, we let our son listen to Ke$ha. And he totally loves it. (Note the total head bob at the end:)

questions

2011-06-27T21:22:00.000-07:00

Lately I've been feeling like I'm searching for something.

I have no idea what is missing or what it is exactly that I'm searching for.

Frustrating.

I feel lost. And I can't figure out how to get back.

I've lost so much faith. And hope. And I don't like it.

Intertility is a bitch.

I feel like I haven't been a very good friend lately.

And I am sorry.

I am here. Somewhere.

I am a mom, wife, banker, commuter, daughter, friend, auntie, and I cook, clean, shop, decorate, entertain, love and nurture on a day to day basis.

I am tired.

I hope my boy knows that I work as hard as I do for him. I think about him all day long and do this so I can help provide for him and give him everything he needs and wants.

I miss my family.

I know life won't always be like this, but it's hard right now.

to catch everyone up

2011-06-19T15:51:00.000-07:00

Good gracious! It's certainly been awhile.
But after I tell you what's been going on, I'm sure you will understand. And no, I am not pregnant.

Okay.

First off, I got a new job!! And I know I did just recently get "a new job" but this one is even better. It's at a bank that I have wanted to work for, for some time now and I am so excited to have been given the opportunity! The branch is actually in Northern Idaho...so it's a bit of a commute but totally worth it. I'm the Universal Banker there so I bounce back and forth from the banker side to the teller side as needed. I've been there for almost three weeks now and I love it!

Have you seen the trailer for Breaking Dawn? Stop whatever you are doing right now and watch it. I swear it speaks to my very soul. Robert and Kristen are so fantasic together it is ridiculous. (And yes, I'm totally on a first name basis with them.)

November 18th cannot come quickly enough.

How gorgeous is she here?!

So basically, I've decided to be tan for the summertime. Palm Beach Tan in my area has a special on a monthly self tan membership so I jumped on it. Now if you know me at all, you know that I am the fairest of fair. (Just skin wise, as I'm no Snow White:)
So far, I am enjoying the new tanned version of myself.

And I must say, my husband is too.
The thing that I am worried about is this. Being too tan. Orangey tan. Snooki tan.

Please see below:

Exibit A: Anne Hathaway (I believe this is actually from a movie so I can't give her too much crap for the lack of judgement.)

and Exibit B: The infamous and very gross Shannon Twins. Enough said.

(Is this the wax version of Hef? Because he seriously looks completely creepy.)

One of my little sisters moved back to town! And brought her little nugget, lilly grace with her. This child is basically perfect. Eats, sleeps, plays on her own, is entertained by her toes...basically everything Landon was not at this age.

See?? Pure cuteness.

(God I want a little girl!)

And the king of the house himself. Midblink:)

I got the cutest swimsuit eva today!!! It is pretty much all around perfect and I cannot wait to wear it this summer. And it's the most gorgeous coraly color that looks a-mazing with a tan.
Please see below (modeled on the gorgeous VS model.)

Victoria's Secret Swim

So basically, my husband and I have two evenings a week together and two morning a week together and between the both of us working full time, splitting our time taking care of Landy, commuting to and from work/ daycare, getting groceries and gas for the cars, eating and sleeping in there somewhere...there hasn't been a lot of time for much else. And I apologize.

Oh! Really quick, I got a new car a couple weeks after Mother's Day! I love it. It's a Nissan Murano and I seriously feel like such a grown up driving it. This is the first time I've ever owned an SUV and I don't know that I'll ever go back.

I hope everyone has a great week! And thanks for reading:)

Happy Mother's Day {to you}

2011-05-08T16:25:00.000-07:00

My dad and his momma

november 1957

me and my mom
1984ish?

me, my mom and one of my little sisters
(who is now going to have her own little baby!)

Ah, yes.

And then I got pregnant, gained 50 pounds

and had a not so fun labor and delivery.

And let me tell you what, that little pink bucket was going to save my life.

nurse lady: here, dear. Let me just get this out of your way.

me: no, thank you. I need my bucket.

nurse lady: Well, we're actually going to take you in for your c section now so I'll just...

me: no. What if I get sick? I need my bucket.

nurse lady: Okay, well, it's actually just going to be in your way so...

me: no. leave. the. bucket.

Oh sweet little pink bucket.

Please deliver me from the nausea.

and then he was finally here.

And it was worth everything.

Happy Mother's Day!

i admit

2011-05-07T17:58:00.000-07:00

I love tulips.

I adore Autumn.

I hate coffee.

But hot chocolate is fantastic.

I love Sex and the City. The whole series was fabulous and I loved the first movie, but the second one didn't do it for me. And I'd say I'm probably 70% Carrie and 30% Charlotte.

And ::gasp:: honestly a bit of Samantha as well.

I love Hanson. Truly. Yes, I do.

Last summer, just after getting my job at Motherhood, Shannon (I love you Shannon!) invited me to go with her and some friends to their concert.

We got to sit in the VIP area.

And it was amazing.

And I learned that white russians are probably the greatest mixed drink of all time.

And I think I consumed 7.

Ah, yes.

It was a good night indeed.

Look! It's Isaac, Taylor and Zac right behind us!

I love board games. But alas, my husband does not. So sadly I do not get to play often.

Honestly, I don't really like dogs. (Sorry!) Puppies and other small dogs are fine, but I am pretty much deathly afraid of big ones. Mostly because they could eat my face if they wanted to.
And that scares me a little. (Or a lot actually.)

I am tired.
all.
the.
time.

I've wanted a Kate Spade bag since I was 14. And I finally, finally got one!
It's pink and beautiful and has navy and white polka dotted lining and pretty much completes my life.
It came in the mail last week and Jesse called to let me know.

J: So, your bag came in the mail today...

me: ::squeals:: Yay! I'm so excited to see it!

J: I'm sorry, but did you actually need another bag?!

Yes, sir. Indeed I did.

Photo via Kate Spade

I'm kind of obsessed with the whole side tattoo thing. Tori Spelling recently did it and I love it. But...I don't know if I really need a third tattoo.

Oh Tori, you and your super fertile uterus.

So lucky.

Photo via Celebuzz

I am now a totally different person than I was at 21.
If that makes sense.

It's funny how you think you have it all figured out and then when you look back you're all

yeah, you had no idea.

I wash my face twice a day.

Everyday.

I am completely 100% directionally challenged.

(I can't really drive anywhere without my gps.)

My favorite book series growing up was The Babysitters Club. I loved those girls and had almost every book in the series.

And then when they came out with the movie...oh my gosh. Loved it.

I actually own it.

I love to read.

I am mildly obsessed with 90's rock. Yes, it's true.
I could listen to The Cranberries Zombie and the Smashing Pumpkins Mayonaise
over and over and over...

I am mildly terrified to start potty training.
and to take his paci away.

Since it's just Landon and I most nights, I do the whole "mommy be a horsey" down the hallway. It's a long walk on your hands and knees with a toddler on your back shouting "weeee!!!" the whole way.

I am a very hardworker and I'm doing my very best to balance all the different areas of my crazy busy life.

Oh, did I mention I'm tired?

And that is all.

Some newer shots of Landon

2011-04-23T12:20:00.000-07:00

We love to color!

(Thank goodness for washable crayons!)

Such a big boy.

Video Blog {number 6}

2011-04-17T18:55:00.000-07:00

Like the still shot of me? Yeah, I know I do. Sexy. (Or maybe not so much.)

Anyway, it's been forever since I've done a video blog so here it is. And it's fantastic.

One week down

2011-04-09T18:08:00.000-07:00

Well, I got through my first week at the new job! I had training for the majority of the week and was in the branch Friday. It went well; I've done the teller thing for so long I'm super comfortable with it. I ran transactions and helped customers all day and I think it's going to be a good fit for now. All the girls are very nice and most all of the customers at this particular branch are elderly and very sweet.

And while I got to work just fine (with my gps) I totally got 100% lost on my way back. The branch is in a part of town that I never go to so I don't know my way around at all. Not even a little. It's a problem. Anyway, I thought I would try going home by myself with no electronic assistance. (Idiot.) I missed the turn but thought it wouldn't be a problem and would just take the next left down. Well...let's just say I ended up so lost I had to pull over into some creepy parking lot and totally burst into tears. Couldn't call Jesse since he's at work and he doesn't exactly have a desk job and can't just talk to me whenever.

So then I went back the other direction and about 5 minutes later, ran into a street that would take me back into town. You gotta love anxiety attacks on Friday afternoons. Good stuff. I ended up making it back to Landon's daycare...25 minutes late. She was very nice about it so everything was fine but I was just so frustrated. Hello? How do I not know how to get around a city I've lived in for 20 years? And it's not like I live in Southern California or anything. Ridiculous.

Anyway. I'm back in the branch next week (hopefully I'll have my own drawer to work out of) and the week after that I'm back in training again. Then I'll finally be set to go. Honestly, I wish there was a bit more responsibility with the position but I'll take what I can get at this point. And it feels really good to get back into the bank environment. This next week should be good. All I know is that I will be relying on my gps to get me to and from work!

Oh, and this picture? Robert, how I love you so. Can't wait for their new movie to come out!

If I could just pause life right here, I would.

2011-03-30T20:07:00.000-07:00

2 years ago...

Landon was a wee lad and life was challenging.

Nursing was tough, sleeping wasn't happening (for either of us) and I was the one pushing the screaming baby around the mall in his stroller just because I had to get out of the house or I would flipping go crazy.

But then I blinked. And now my baby is 2.

You really should see him.

He is so full of joy and light and I cannot imagine life without him.

My sweet boy.

a couple of updates

2011-03-20T18:29:00.000-07:00

Hi and hello everyone! I'm sorry it's been awhile since I've updated anything; I've been sick this last week and have been feeling pretty miserable. It started last Sunday and I finally went in Friday morning to urgent care to see what was going on. Turns out I just have a bad flu. I pretty much couldn't speak at all for a couple days. But if you think I stayed home from work well, you'd be wrong. I've worked the last 6 days and finally, finally have tomorrow off. Retail hours have been kicking my tush. Which leads me to say that...

I gave my notice at work this week and my last day is April 2nd. There were quite a few factors that made me come to this decision and I think it's the right thing to do. My old boss (the one who initially hired me) transferred out to the valley store and I miss her very much. I did not have the option to go out to the new store with her which was unfortunate. Anyway, I got an offer to work at a bank here in town and will start the beginning of next month. It's just a teller position but I'm excited to get back into banking and start working my way back up again.

I'm not pregnant. The last IUI failed. No definate plans of what the next steps will be.

I've been having fun getting some new "work clothes" for the bank. The dress code where I'm at right now is black, white and khaki so I am SO excited to add some color to my wardrobe! I also just got these shoes yesterday (nice job payless!) and I flipping love them! So cute and perfect with pretty much everything. I wore them to work this morning and then with skinnies and a grey blazer to the grocery store with Landon. Love, love, love.

Landon is such a big boy. So grown up with such a big personality! He loves puzzles, baths, playing outside, Shrek, staying up late and getting up early (gah), dancing, books, popcicles and car rides. I can't believe how quickly he's growing up...

Today is the first day of spring. Is it okay that I bought myself some flowers? Because I did. :)

It's about to get real.

2011-02-27T16:30:00.000-08:00

I am a mess. I gross, sad, hot mess.

I had my 3rd IUI on the 14th and have tested Friday, Saturday and today and they've all been negative. Now, I realize it could still be early because I'm only 13 days past my IUI and techically I may have not ovulated until the 15th or 16th, but seriously this is almost more than I can handle. I'll go in and get blood drawn tomorrow to deny/confirm pregnancy and then we'll go from there. I'm already on progesterone supplements (Prometrium) to get my uterine lining where it needs to be for a healthy pregnancy, so if I'm not pregnant I'll need to stop taking them so I can start my next cycle. And start this whole damn thing over again.

And you know it doesn't really help that I work at a maternity store (full time) and get to see all these darling pregnant girls every day. I know, I know it's my choice to work there so I'm not complaining about the job at all. It's just especially difficult some days.

For me, the whole secondary infertility is way harder than the first time around. If anyone struggling with infertility wants to punch me in the face right now, I totally understand. If someone would have said that to me before I had Landon I know I would have wanted to give them a swift kick to the knees too. It's just that knowing now how wonderful it was to have been pregnant (finally) after trying for so long, and how incredible and special the whole pregnancy was, it's like having it dangled in your face with someone saying "hahaha! You had it once but as much as you try- you cannot have it again!" Jesse and I held that damn test up to three different kinds of light today trying to "find" the second line. Tipping it every which way just because we know it just had to work this time. He said "well, maybe it'll show up later..." Yeah, doesn't work that way unfortunately. I hate pregnancy tests.

Anyway, I guess I decided to blog about it because there isn't really anyone I can talk to about this. Not that I really want someone to have gone through all this because it's made me into a person I really don't much care for. Jaded and negative. And I don't want anyone to have to go through any of this. But it would be nice to have someone to talk to. I know I have Jesse but obviously it's different for a man. Not to discount how he's feeling at all, because I know that it's difficult for him as well.

And it wouldn't matter if we "stopped trying" or "tried adoption" or any of the other crazy things that are the sure fire ways to conceive. It's just going to happen when/if it's supposed to and I just have to be okay with that. And I'm completely thankful for my son so no hate mail saying that "I need to get over myself and be thankful with what I've got." He's incredible and I love him more than anything.

I've had a couple of tough weeks and it's definately been a challenge putting on my happy, happy face for home and work when all I really want to do it curl up in a ball and cry.

I know it'll get better, it's just hard right now.

Happy Birthday! {number 28 eek!}

2011-02-20T19:17:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to meee!

I had to work until 5 but when I got home, I was so surprised to see that Jesse and Landon had decorated everything so fun and I had cake and presents!

Birthday girl outfit:

Jeans: Gap jeggings

Lacie top: Free People (half off at Swank! Yay!)

Lacie cami: Express

Taupe ruffle flats: Steve Madden

Long necklace: Pac Sun

Cupcakes from the girls at work!
Pink and purple princess cupcakes are the best.

I was so surprised when two of my good friends dropped by to wish me happy birthday!

So we all had red velvet cake and chocovine out of my new fantastic wine glasses!
Well, all of us but miss Shannon who has a little bun in the oven:)

makes me happy.

Coming up on 6 years...

2011-02-12T21:05:00.000-08:00

This picture is from our honeymoon to Cabo in April of 2005.

Where did the time go? Seriously.

(we look like babies.)

Disneyland trip 2011 {part one}

2011-02-10T21:33:00.000-08:00

Probably the highlight of the entire trip. Meeting his favorite "people" in the world.

Woody and Jessie!

Hanging out in his room watching (what else?) Toy Story!

There was almost no one in the park for most of our time in Disneyland!
January is definitely the time to visit!

The newest "castle" in Fantasyland! I was all excited thinking it was a new attraction, but it's just where you meet the characters from "Tangled." So cute though!

Waiting to meet "Sully" from Monsters Inc. I'm not going to lie...I was a little scared because he was so enormous. He's the one character Landon didn't run up to. When he hugged us, we got lost in blue fur:)

See? Huge.

The fam in Disney's Califoria Adventure!

I love how Landon looks all coy and charming...silly boy.

We're all looking in different directions and the only thing Landon was interested in was Donald's hat. Ah well. It's all three of us in a picture:)

I know I'm his mom but seriously, I think I have the cutest kid ever.

You guys, this fountain is so cool!

I don't know...not sure I want to go on Alice in Wonderland...

Get me off of this thing!!!

Naptime in his stroller = free time for the momma to do some shopping!

Anniversary

2011-02-08T19:31:00.000-08:00

Today is the three year anniversary of when I miscarried my first baby. I can still remember it like it happened yesterday. Horrid, horrid day.

Jealousy is an extremely ugly thing and I've really been struggling with it. For whatever unknown reason, I'm not supposed to have another baby right now and I have to figure out a way to accept it. My heart just hurts.

And I'm just tired of the waiting and hoping and disappointment.
We're going to do our third (and final) IUI this month. Trying not to be negative and stay hopeful.
I go in for a follicle ultrasound on Monday and should have the procedure a couple of days afterwards.
Trying to keep my head up.
And it's hard.

Happy 2nd birthday to Landon!

2011-02-06T19:04:00.000-08:00

We celebrated Landon's birthday just before we left for our trip. It was a lovely evening full of pizza, cupcakes (thank you Shannon!!), Toy Story and friends!

Landon and his daddy

"Hmmm...not sure what I think..."

"It's delicious!!!"

Pictures of our trip coming soon...

Meet miss lilly grace

2011-01-25T20:15:00.000-08:00

my sweet little niece

3 months old

OOTD working girl

2011-01-19T19:34:00.000-08:00

Jacket: Merona (Target)

Dress: Merona Collection Claire dress (on clearance for $6.98.)

Heels: Isaac Mizrahi for Target

Earrings: Forever 21

(If you didn't think I shopped at Target all the time before...I'm sure you do now.)

And one without the jacket...

Landy dave in his big boy bed!

Toy Story of course:)

I feel like he kinda looks like an old man here...

He really enjoys car rides!

Seriously, how cute is he?! Chocolate chip cookies are the best.

please don't judge me.

2011-01-14T19:35:00.000-08:00

Okay my dears. Confession time.

My kid has his own ipod.

It's not like we went out and bought him one, he just sort of got my husband's old one after we got our new iphones. Here's the thing. I was online earlier and found this fabulous new iphone case called The Woogie. I was completely sold on it because we have a ton of Landon's movies on his ipod and sometimes (since he's almost 2) he drops (throws) it. So now it will be totally protected and cannot break when it's accidentally dropped (thrown.)

And it's going to save our lives on the plane at the end of the month. Oh, did I not mention? We're going to California again this year. And the plane ride cannot possibly be any worse than last year. Right? Right.

OOTD {let's break dress code Monday}

2011-01-12T20:56:00.000-08:00

Dress: Motherhood Maternity

(No I am not pregnant. Just taking advantage of my discount.)

Footless Tights: Express

Boots: Steve Madden

Belt: shopruche.com

Earrings: Etsy

Our dress code at work is to wear black, white or tan clothing but I figured that if I wore the product, I could help sell it. It was very fun to wear such a pretty dress to work! I love it- it has pockets and a fun vintage look that I adore. (And my boss didn't even mind:)

Check it out guys!

This would be such a cute picture if Landon's nose wasn't running...

Oh well, it's real!

Friday's outfit of the day

2011-01-07T19:13:00.000-08:00

Happy Friday!

Short sleeved sweater: Express

Lace trimmed cami: Express

Pencil Skirt: Express

Pearl Earrings: Express

Necklace: Anthropologie Breccia necklace in cream (Yay for ebay!)

Black ruffle wedges: Payless (I have the same ones in royal purple! so cute.)

And I wore this cardigan/jacket over it to work.

Forever 21 Asymmetrical Tiered Jacket in cream

$27.80

...and of course I have to share my latest fabulous purchase from Anthro.

Polynya Corset Top

I have been stalking this top on Anthropologie.com forever now (okay, maybe for like three weeks) and it finally, finally went on sale! Down from $88 to $49! The chartreuse sash makes me a bit swoony and the color combination is to die for.

I've already put about 4 outfits together using this top and I cannot wait to get it!

perfection?

2011-01-06T21:28:00.000-08:00

Okay, so who thinks Megan Fox is gorgeous? Ummm. I do. And I'm sure that most people would agree. Yesterday, my sister sent this link to me showing just how much she was photoshopped after a red carpet event.

So basically, even Megan Fox can't look like Megan Fox. I'm not going to lie, I still think she's a beautiful girl but it's nice to see that this type of perfection doesn't exist. What? Megan Fox has pores? You have got to be kidding me.

Seriously.

What was wrong with looking like this?

a little something new {and what's been going on in our house}

2011-01-05T20:32:00.001-08:00

Alright, so I've been noticing on other girl's {very cute and fashionable} blogs that they have been doing an "outfit of the day" or "OOTD" post. And I love it. So I'm going to try one myself.

Here we go. x2.

Shopping and lunch with a friend

Dress: Target {last year} I am obsessed with mustard yellow.

Grey Leggings: Express

Belt: Ruche Western legend belt This basically completes my life.

Boots: Steve Madden {last year}

Earrings: Oh hello friend

Working momma

Cardigan: Express
Pencil Skirt: Express
Sheer printed top: JC penney Ruffle top
Tights: Express
Heels: BCBG
Earrings: Express
Belt: Forever 21 This was only $5.80. What.
Vacant expression: All me.

We have been sick in our house. Just some good old fashioned head colds.

It skipped over me (thankfully) but both boys got it.

If you know Landon at all, you know that he does not ever just stop to lie down on the couch in the middle of the day. That was the first sign that something was up.

He's definitely starting to feel way better now; we just needed a few days to be home in our jammies.

My baby is going to be TWO this month.

2011-01-01T21:45:00.000-08:00

Your little hand is wrapped around my finger

And it's so quiet in the world tonight

Your little eyelids flutter because you're dreaming

So I tuck you in, turn on your favorite night light

To you everything is funny, you got nothing to regret

I'd give all I have, honey

if you could stay like that

Oh Darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, just stay this little

Oh Darling, don't you ever grow up

Don't you ever grow up, it could stay this simple

I won't let nobody hurt you, won't let no one break your heart

And no one will desert you

Just try to never grow up, never grow up

-Never Grow Up

Taylor Swift

a small Christmas preview

2010-12-26T18:18:00.000-08:00

We are "Toy Storied" out! Head to toe.

And we are happy about it.

Santa came!

Checking out some way cool Nemo toys from Auntie Kerri and Uncle Jay

He looks way too grown up here.

Not sure how I feel about it honestly...

His super cool new Woody race car has definitely been a favorite!

Landon got a farm a lot like the one up at Grandma and Grandpa's house.

His way cool "big boy" truck!

(He really was excited about it even though his expression suggests otherwise...)

Hurrah for Nemo!!!

Oh, the magic of Christmas...

Baby, it's cold outside!

2010-12-19T15:05:00.000-08:00

Isn't he handsome?!

my uterus is screaming right now.

2010-12-18T22:02:00.000-08:00

http://www.beautyisphotography.com/site/

This picture is so cute it physically hurts.

Three sweet, perfect baby boys? Yes, please.

Oh the fever.

my heart hurts today.

2010-12-16T20:48:00.000-08:00

Hi! My name is Kristin.

I am a great listener and a great friend.

I am kinda OCD when it comes to having a clean house.

I am addicted to Etsy, Anthropologie and Target.

I miss my mom.

I spend way too much time on youtube watching hair tutorials.

I have been dealing with infertility for almost 5 years.

I am a wife.

I am a mom.

I work outside of the home and am very lucky to have such a fun job.

I am afraid of the dark.

My son is the most beautiful and wonderful thing in the world.

I am not perfect but I am strong and passionate and real.

Video Blog {number 5} ...finally.

2010-12-05T18:04:00.001-08:00

I am alive!

2010-11-28T20:23:00.001-08:00

Helloooo! I am here. I am alive. And I did not fall of the face of the earth. Or something.

I have been super, super busy and obviously have been neglecting my blog. Better that it's my blog than my child though right? Right.

Anyway.

I still absolutely love my job and haven't had one day in the last four months where I'm like ohhh, do I have to go to work today? I've made a lot of new friends (I love you miss shannon!) and love how much I've learned and how I'm challenged every single day. How is it that the infertile girl loves working at a maternity store so much? Crazy. Oh, and I have an interview with the district manager this next week for a pretty sweet promotion, so hopefully I can interview well and totally impress her. That's the hope anyway.

I took this earlier today...I got a new dress yesterday and I flipping love it. I got it at this darling boutique that I go to as often as I can. I would seriously wear it everyday if I could.

I wore this top (and the bump pillow) around work a couple of weeks ago just for fun. We just got that top in that says "tis the season to be pregnant" and it makes me happy.

Oh and random story. This morning I'm walking (running) through the mall to get to the store and open it on time (because of all the blasted snow that slowed down my commute) and this little girl comes running over to me and asks me for my autograph.

Ummm. Thanks little girl but I'm not Taylor Swift. At least once every day at work someone will ask me "if anyone has ever told you that you look just like Taylor Swift?" It is beyond flattering because I think she is a lovely girl, but I don't see it. Well, aside from our similar hair style. Yesterday after I told this guy that yes, people have told me that and it's very sweet, he's all well can you sing? I'm like no sir. I cannot.

Anyway. Just wanted to check in really quick and say hi!

Hope everyone has a fantastic week and I'll be back here soon.

Promise:)

struggling with patience.

2010-11-10T22:02:00.000-08:00

That is pretty much the story of my life these past few weeks. Between waiting to hear about a (possible and very exciting) job promotion and a (possible and very exciting) addition to our family next year (nope, I'm not pregnant- but I can't give details on exactly what's going on just yet), I have been very impatient. I know everything is going to work out how it's supposed to and I know that everything will eventually fall into place...I'm just not great at the whole waiting game. I promise to update more on all of this as soon as I can!

In other news, I am beyond excited to start gearing up for the holidays! We are actually going to turn our house into a winter wonderland this coming Monday. That's right, folks. This Monday, a week before Thanksgiving. Because that is how I roll. And I ordered Landon 6 Christmas books off the Barnes and Noble website this evening. Christmas is going to be great this year. Jesse will (of course) be working, but doesn't have to go in until 3. So at least we'll have the morning and early afternoon as a family!

Anyway. I'm off to bed...I've got a long rest of the week ahead of me still!

halloween 2010

2010-10-31T20:15:00.000-07:00

I spent this Halloween at work. The store was incredibly slow but I'd say pretty much everyone in town was at the mall. They have "trick or treating" for kids at the mall from 4-6 and most stores participate. I got to hand out candy and since people started coming in around 1, we were completely out of candy by 4:06pm. It was awesome. I had a ton of people say how "unprepared" we were and some little kids even gave me the stink eye. Um, I'm sorry but I was there to sell maternity clothes and not to give out free candy. Chill out people.

Anyway. Landon went to a Halloween party with his Auntie Michelle and her family dressed as a little military man. He looked adorable. Wish I could have gone with him!

I've spent the evening watching Hocus Pocus (remember that movie? I watch it every year) and just enjoying some quiet time. I can straight up quote this movie. I have no shame. Oh and small bit of advice: If you are like me and do not do scary movies not even a little bit cannot even watch previews for them because they frighten your very soul, do not read detailed reviews of Paranormal Activity 2. Just don't do it. I died a little inside. And had to sleep with the lights on in the bedroom until Jesse got home from work around 1am.

Kristin's kind of scary movie. That's right. I said it.

And I have some super exciting news that I want to share so bad, but need to wait a bit until I have more details. (Nope, I'm not pregnant.) I will say this though, just as soon as I'm about to give up on something, things tend to work out better than I could imagine! :)

I hope everyone had a great weekend and enjoy the week ahead!

a year ago...

2010-10-30T21:57:00.000-07:00

the reason I have baby fever... from wishcake on Vimeo.

My sister made this very special video after she visited us this last year in November. I just came across it again and cannot believe how much Landon has grown. Come visit us soon auntie Kerri!

...and Landon's little lips at the very end? So sweet I cry.

on a very belated date night

2010-10-20T20:31:00.001-07:00

On Monday night, Jesse and I had the opportunity to go on a date. Our first date in 8 months. Well, at least our 1st date without bringing a little boy with us.

We went to Red Lobster (yesss) and did the whole all you can eat shrimp thing and I even had a couple martinis. It was so yummy and I can't wait to go back again!

And since we are totally ridiculous, we (I) asked to have our picture taken before leaving. In true first date style.

Hopefully we'll have another date night soon...thanks Michelle for staying with Landon!

What I've been up to

2010-10-18T12:05:00.001-07:00

Well for one, I've been sick. Nothing too horrible, just a good old fashioned head cold. It definitely is not fun and I've been feeling pretty exhausted the last few days. Hopefully it passes quickly and Landon doesn't get it! Sick baby=no fun.

I love my job. I love my boss. I love going to work. How many people can even say that?! I'm so happy everything worked out the way it did and I got the opportunity to work for Motherhood. There are some exciting things in the works right now- a lot of changes to be made at both the store I'm at, as well as another store nearby. I'll share more as I get more information:) And it's funny, I had thought oh I will save so much money working at a maternity store...I won't buy anything for myself! Ha. Not the case. Heidi Klum has her "Loved" line that she says is for during and after pregnancy. I figure that I totally qualify being that I am in a
after pregnancy state myself, so I have bought pretty much her entire new fall line. You can't buy it online yet, so I can't post any pictures of it but oh. my. lord. Pretty much the cutest stuff evah. Heidi and I would totally be BFF's in real life. And it totally helps selling the product when you're wearing it, right? Right. I may just start wearing the little pillow bump when I'm at work and pretend that I'm pregnant. Sounds fun to me:)

Landon is great! He's such a blessing. Sleeping great, eating great, loves to play, loves to gives kisses and hugs, loves going to "school" and spending time with his Auntie Michelle. I can't believe we're coming up on 21 months. It is so cliche, but time is absolutely flying by. He's at such a fun age and I wish we could just freeze time for a bit.

I can't wait for the holidays to get here! I've started Christmas shopping a bit here and there, so I won't have to go as crazy in the next couple of months. I adore finding the perfect gift for people. So fun. And hopefully we'll get just a bit of snow this year...but not too much! Just enough to cover the ground and be pretty.

Tonight, Jesse and I are going to go on a date- just the two of us. We haven't done that since my birthday last February, so I think we may be a bit overdue? Yes? We're thinking maybe the Olive Garden but I really want to go to Red Lobster. We shall see...

Greenbluff 2010

2010-10-11T20:40:00.000-07:00

Remember last year? Yeah...he's grown just a bit since then:)

Our attempt at a family picture...not the greatest, but at least we're all looking in the same general direction!

Daddy and Landon

Hanging out in the pumpkin patch

Mommy and her little man

He certainly didn't get the gorgeous eyelashes from me. I am so jealous.

This one looks pretty good guys...

I guess this one is pretty cool too.

All done! Let's go home!

show and tell

2010-09-28T14:19:00.000-07:00

I've been asked quite a few times what exactly is in my make up bag and finally am getting around to sharing. You know you're excited! (Or something.)

Anyway. I don't use a whole lot of department store make up because honestly, I don't think it's that much better than what you can buy at Walmart. And also because it's like 5x more expensive and I have more important things to buy. (Like food and shoes. Super important stuff like that.)

Here it goes:

Mark (by Avon) pressed powder
Cover Girl concealer (same stuff I've used forever. It is awesome.)
Nars blush (This particular shade-orgasm, is fantastic! And it looks beautiful on most all skin tones.)
Stila Pretty in Paris eyeshadow palette (love.love.love.)
Stila Kitten eyeshadow and fair/medium eyebrow shadow
Maybelline eyelash curler
Maybelline Falsies mascara and Maybelline Great Lash mascara (one is waterproof and one is not. I'm all about layering for extra staying power.)
Maybelline eyeliner pencil
Mark (by Avon) liquid eyeliner (Again with the layering.)
Mark (by Avon) lipstick
Mark (by Avon) lipgloss (This shade-Pink Crush, is sooo pretty!)

I totally heart putting on my makeup in the morning. I am such a girly girl.

Do share if you have any make up products that you can't live without!

just some good reminders {for everyone}

2010-09-24T19:28:00.000-07:00

a small journey back

2010-09-23T19:43:00.000-07:00

13 days old

3 weeks old and my 26th birthday

3 weeks old

Why can't I remember him being so little?! I know that he did nothing but cry for the first 3 months of his life, but sometimes I wish I could go back and do it again. He was such a beautiful little baby.

And being that I work in a maternity store...I see a lot of teensy, tiny babies. As well as lots and lots of big pregnant bellies. My uterus may or may not cry several times a day.
But I digress.

I've actually made a couple of friends in the last few weeks. There are a lot of return customers (as is expected) so you get to know them pretty well. There really are a lot of really fun and sweet girls that shop at Motherhood. One girl that I helped yesterday actually called me this afternoon to thank me for being so wonderful and asked if I would like to get together sometime. Totally made my whole day. It's still going really, really well at work and I know I've said it before but I love the manager. She is completely awesome.

And since I'm just sitting here by myself, watching Project Runway and eating BBQ chips, (sooo healthy right?) I found some pictures of some completely darling baby girls that I thought I'd share. Am I the only one who almost can't handle the preciousness of tiny babies? They absolutely take my breath away.

www.twopeasinabucket.com

I straight up need to have a little girl.

www.freshfromgod.blogspot.com

Probably one of the sweetest shots ever.

I cry.

{twenty one things} you may or may not know

2010-09-18T19:22:00.000-07:00

Some of my all time favorite movies include 2 Weeks Notice, the "Back to the Future" trilogy (super random right?), Pride and Prejudice, Love Actually (love), Twilight, A Walk to Remember, Pretty Woman and Father of the Bride.
I adore clementines.
I would love to own a little bookstore. How very Meg Ryan in You've Got Mail of me, right?
I cannot swim.
I absolutely do not do horror films. Not even a little bit. I cannot even watch horror film trailers in the theater without covering my ears and eyes. You know, I might be a bit overly sensitive.
I may not always know what to say in different situations, but I am a great listener.
I would love to work at a Coyote Ugly type bar.
My fantasy vacation would include Italy, Ireland, and Austria. ("The hilllls are alive..."okay, I'm done.)
Autumn is the greatest season ever. Ever.
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: My pregnancy with Landon was without a doubt, hands down, the greatest 9 months of my life.
I love my job. Seriously.
I wish I could spend my entire paycheck at Anthropologie.com.
I love music. Everything from Dido to Rihanna. Taylor Swift to Lady Gaga. Paramore to Joshua Radin. Schuyler Fisk to The Killers. Counting Crows to Iron and Wine. The Smashing Pumpkins to...well, I'm sure you get the idea.
I need to work on having more self confidence.
I believe that Taylor Swift's video for "Love Story" is one of the greatest videos of all time. It's pretty much my ultimate fantasy.
Sometimes I feel like I should have lived in the 1950's.
I cannot whistle or blow bubbles in bubble gum. I know, what's wrong with me?
I love picking out what I'm going to wear for the day, the night before.
Someday, I would very much like to live in the country and not in a neighborhood.
I think that kisses on the back of the hand or inner wrist are some the most romantic ever.
My life is definitely crazy, a bit hectic and go, go, go but I can honestly say that I wouldn't change a thing. I feel like I'm right where I need to be. And that feels good.

on letting go

2010-09-11T20:33:00.000-07:00

I subscribe to Real Simple magazine and in September's issue, there's an article that really hit home for me. The name of the article is "My One and Only." The author, Rebecca Walker, talks about how she waited until a bit later in life to get married and then finally start a family. After her son turned five, she told her husband that she wanted to have another baby. Unfortunately, he wasn't on the same page. He listed a bunch of reasons why he didn't think it would be a good idea, including her age (40), the cost of private school tuition and finally, that he "had his own ambitions and time-consuming dreams."

The last paragraph completely touched me. I kept thinking about it throughout the rest of the day and completely broke down.

"A few weeks after that conversation-following many sleepless nights and internal struggles-I decided to give my dream child up. I imagined saying good-bye to her (or him), as though I was putting the baby up for adoption. I pictured the new parents arriving at the hospital, watched them park the car and walk, excitedly, up to the revolving door. I couldn't run to her and take her home myself.

Now and then, when I cry about the choice we've made, Glen soothes me. "Maybe there's a chance we can adopt someday, when life is easier, less busy, less demanding," he says. "When money is less of an issue." I cannot imagine a day like that.

But then I think, Who knows? Glen was right about having a child. Maybe he'll be right about adopting someday. Or perhaps in another lifetime I will meet my other child, the one I won't be having. Or she will come to me in a dream in this life, and we will live together every night, after I fall asleep. Yes, I say to myself, yes. It isn't that she doesn't exist. It is just that she lives on the other side, and I will visit her and love her there."

It's been a daily struggle for me to accept that there is a very real possibility that Landon could be an only child. I'm only human, so of course there will be good days and bad days. I just hope that the good days outweigh the bad and that I can just focus on my son and how blessed I am to have him in my life.

So hey, guess what?

2010-09-08T22:30:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of the Knitting Factory

I get to see Hanson! Yet again. For the 3rd time. Not too sure what that says about me exactly but I am completely excited about it. I saw them for the first time when I was 14 (mmmbop anyone?) and then again 2 years ago with my sister, when I was 7 1/2 months pregnant. And I had huge swollen ankles from standing in the House of Blues for like 6 hours or something crazy like that. And some crazy drunk girl kept poking me in my pregnant tummy saying "mmmbop" over and over again. I'm all really lady? Back up off me. But I digress.

So my manager (who I absolutely love) was talking to me the other day about this concert she was looking forward to. She's all "one of my good friend's mom works for Ticketswest and got some VIP tickets to the Hanson show next week. Want to come with us?"

I'm like "oh my gosh, YES." Please and thank you very much.

I am so looking forward to a night out!

(My 14 year old self is totally screaming with joy right now. True story.)

new love

2010-09-04T09:13:00.000-07:00

I think I'm probably one of the last girls on earth to have only just discovered the sheer perfection of Anthropologie.

Let me just say this: It is a very, very good thing that there is not a store here or anywhere near where I live. Because I would be there pretty much every week. Just hanging out in the dressing room, trying on absolutely everything in the store. Because that's completely normal right? Right.

I placed my very first (of many...) online orders recently, and I cannot wait to get it!

I am seriously considering this dress for a wedding I'll be going to in December. New Year's Eve to be exact. I adore anything with ruffles and the neckline is just gorgeous. ::Sigh::

Vesper Shift

$198

I ordered this jacket/cardi and I absolutely love it. Super cute, super "Chanel" and you can totally dress it up or down.

Atelier Sweater Jacket

$59.95 was $128

I need this top. Not want. Need.

Blacklight Blouse

$78

Beautiful right? Love the draping and ruching but for the price...it will definately need to go on sale before I can even think about it.

Draped V-Neck

$128

I simply adore this coat. Gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous.

Curtsey Coat

$298

And this clutch is absolutely perfect for fall. The colors are to die for and if it wasn't almost $250, it would be on it's way to me right now.

Saved For You Clutch

$248

The colors in this dress are almost too much for me to handle. In a totally good way.

Want. so. bad.

Seaside Fields Dress

$138

And I've saved the best for last. I love this jacket so much it hurts. I absolutely need it for this fall. With super dark wash skinny jeans and knee high brown boots? omg.

Summer's Reminder Cardigan

$128

I better keep my Nordstrom Visa in that block of ice or there could be trouble...

{you are} wonderful

2010-08-29T10:46:00.000-07:00

To all my wonderful friends, I just want to say thank you. It's so great to know that there are so many supportive people in my life that are there for me and will listen to me vent, give me advice and help build me up. I am so blessed to have such a special group of friends. I appreciate each and every one of you from my oldest to my newest friend.

So if any of you would like to come by for some girl talk, a chick flick and a glass (or two!) of wine, you all know where to find me. :)

Thank you.

Video Blog {number four}

2010-08-25T22:17:00.000-07:00

And here is the link to the lovely Taylor Swift inspired side bun updo.

yesss!

2010-08-23T19:24:00.000-07:00

I know it's incredibly cheesy to post a picture of yourself with your first paycheck, but it's my first paycheck! Well, my first paycheck in the last 19 months anyway. (Can you even believe Landon is going to be 19 months tomorrow?!) It's crazy how fast this time has gone by, being at home with him 24/7. While I'm so thankful for all the one on one time we had together, I do have to say that I'm really enjoying the transition back into the work force. Hopefully someday I'll be able to get back into the banking world, but for now I really like retail.

I ended up doing really well on Sunday! I am quite proud to say that I made plan for the store, got payroll approved and sent to corporate, as well as completing all the consolidations and damages. And the regional manager called my manager this morning to tell her how impressed she was with Sunday's numbers and with my performance! I was so happy. The only challenge I had was actually really silly. I ended up having to call one of the girls to ask where the receipt paper rolls were. Totally ridiculous I know. It's funny how it's the little things that get forgotten in training. Anyway, it was a good weekend and I'm excited to start the coming week!

Landon's new {big boy} chair

2010-08-21T20:07:00.000-07:00

Today we bought Landon his own "big boy" chair!

Here he is just checking it out.

How big is Landon?
So big!

Yay! I love my new chair ever so much!

Cuddling with Woody watching Toy Story...
(Thanks for the movie suggestions as we definately need to mix it up a bit in our house!)

Can I just say how much I love Target? I got these skinny jeans today for only $15. And they are that perfect super dark wash and the pockets are even cute! (I have a thing for fun pockets.) Anyway.

Here are my outfit details:

Mossimo super low skinny jeans- Target

Michael Stars shimmer tank- thrifted
Long, multiple chain necklace- Target

Leopard print ballet flats- Target (last fall)

And hey, wish me luck tomorrow since I am opening and closing the store all. by. myself.

I've got a looong day ahead of me that's for sure. It's going to be good though and I am going to do fantastic! (At least that's what I keep telling myself.)

checking in

2010-08-20T12:18:00.000-07:00

Just checking in really quick to say hi!

Things have been going really well and I think that all three of us are doing great (so far) with the transition. Landon is a lot more clingy lately and will cry if he looses sight of me. I hate that he gets so upset when I leave him, but I think it's good for him to have time with his daddy and also with auntie Michelle. And it just makes the time we do have together that much more special!

I work later today and this weekend as well but I'm actually really looking forward to it. Turns out, I'm quite the selling machine and have done really great so far. Hopefully I can keep it up! I'm also really hoping that being around pregnant women (constantly) will help me get pregnant too. I can wish anyway right? Right.

We need some suggestions of some different movies Landon can watch. It is Toy Story and Finding Nemo every. single. day. And I'm ready to mix it up a bit. :)

Anyway, I just wanted to give a very quick update before I needed to leave for work. I hope everyone has a lovely weekend and check back soon for another fabulous video blog!

Video blog {number three}

2010-08-15T20:55:00.000-07:00

I just love the expression that the thumbnail captured of me. How. lovely.

working momma = me

2010-08-14T21:07:00.000-07:00

Well, I just finished up day two of my new job. I've been away from Landon 13 hours in the last two days and it's the most I've been away from him since he's been born. The job has been really good so far though. Not overly busy at all and my manager is completely awesome! I am a bit nervous because I only have one more day of training (tomorrow) and then next week, I'll be on my own. Seems a bit quick to me, but my manager seems to think that I'm going to do great. All I know is I'm going to be taking notes like crazy tomorrow so I can get the store opened and closed by myself. I'm trying not to overthink everything and not appear as nervous as I feel. I just hate not having anyone with me that can answer questions...

Last night, I got to try on most everything in the store so that I'd understand all the features and benefits of each item. I'm not going to lie, it was quite fun wearing the little pillow bump underneath and looking like I was 6 months pregnant! I told my manager that I was having so much fun with it that I didn't want to take it off. She's all "you can wear it all the time if you want to!" Yeah...I don't think so but thanks:) Something really cool about Motherhood that has changed since I was pregnant, is that they now carry extra small in tops and jeans and also tall length in jeans and dress pants! The reason I only wore skirts to work (to showcase my lovely swollen ankles) was that I couldn't find any pants that were long enough for me. So it's super happy news for us tall girls!

Anyway, tomorrow I'm bringing a notebook with me so I can write extremely detailed steps about what needs to be done at opening and closing. Hoping and praying that this will all come together quickly for me. I know I'm competent enough, I've just been out of this for so long I feel like everything is taking a bit to click. I am excited about this position though, and am so thankful I finally got hired! :)

The Runaways {quick review}

2010-08-11T20:38:00.000-07:00

I finally rented The Runaways a couple of weeks ago. I had been excited to see it ever since I first watched the trailer and saw that both Kristen Stewart (as Joan Jett) and Dakota Fanning (as Cherie Currie) were starring. I have to say that I was super impressed by both girl's performances...and Miss Dakota was only 17 when the movie was filmed! It is very sex, drugs and rock and roll, so be warned as far as that goes. I was a bit disappointed that the only full song they performed was "Cherry Bomb" but thought it was beyond awesome that both Kristen and Dakota sing throughout the film. Oh to have such talent, right? :) Anyway, I was completely entertained though the entire movie and thought it was a lot of fun. It'd be a really fun "girls night" type movie.

And how pretty is Kristen Stewart in her little pink dress?

Gorgeous.

Landon says...

2010-08-08T09:06:00.000-07:00

"hey! I'm watchin' baby einstein and eating goldfish crackers! What are you doing?"

"Mom, it's the mrsa. My knee hurts real bad."

"I love me some corndogs!"

"My new toy is the coolest evah!"

"Haha...dad don't be ridiculous. Of course I know how to climb up by myself!"

"Look at me! I'm SO big. And isn't my momma so pretty?"

Haha. Just kidding.

video blog {number two}

2010-08-07T19:43:00.000-07:00

I'm going to try to do this whole video blog thing once a week just for something fun and different. I seriously need to do it against a more exciting background though. Next time for sure!

quick update on landy dave

2010-08-05T15:39:00.000-07:00

Well, he's doing pretty good considering what he's been dealing with. It doesn't look like it's getting any smaller yet, but at least it's not getting any bigger. We were back at urgent care this morning for a follow up, and they had to drain it again. (Sob.) The doctor is actually having us do it twice a day now just to be sure that the infection can get out and it doesn't close over.
If it does close over, they have to cut it open. So let's just hold a good thought and hopefully it starts healing quickly. Because neither Landon or I could handle that. We'll go back into urgent care again on Saturday for another follow up.

He's been sleeping pretty good with the medicine but is still limping and just kind of whiney. Which is totally to be expected. When you ask him about his "owie" he'll point to his knee and scrunch up his nose like "yeah, it hurts but I'm such a brave boy." It is pretty cute actually:)

We bought him a Little Tykes outdoor play structure today from someone off of craigslist. It's fantastic and he absolutely loves it. I'll have to post some pictures soon. We got such an amazing deal on it and I'm just happy that we'll be able to spend some more time in the backyard as a family.

Thanks everyone for the sweet comments, I really appreciated it! It's so tough to have a little guy that's hurting:(

On why you should never, ever let your kid play at the mall.

2010-08-04T14:45:00.000-07:00

And what exactly do I mean by this statement you ask? Oh, let me tell you.

As you all know, I am a stay at home mom and for the most part we spend our days here. At home. More recently, we've been making trips to the mall to window shop (I am awesome at window shopping) and get some exercise walking around.

There is a "woodland creature enchanted forrest" type play area in the mall that is all padded and enclosed and really quite fun. In the center is a large (fake) tree where you climb up the back, crawl through the middle and slide down the front. Landon loves it. We've only just started taking him there just because I'm paranoid of him catching something from some other kid.

So, we are there this last Sunday for a bit and he's having a great time running around and playing. (Well, until some big kid pushed him down. I'm all "we do NOT push the baby." Stupid kid.) Anyway, we get home and during his bath I notice a spot on his knee that looked like an ingrown hair. He gets ingrown hairs from time to time so I figured that was what is was and left it alone.

The next day it was a bit bigger and looked like a spider bite or boil. Red, swollen and you could tell that it was tender because he wouldn't let me touch it. I'll hold back the gory details but let's just say when Jesse went to drain it, there was quite a bit of fluid and we were both like "this is not just an ingrown hair."

The next day, we took him into urgent care since our pediatrician is out of town for the week. They had to culture it and drain it again (nightmare. I hate, hate, hate when he's hurting and I can't make it stop) and then the doctor told us that while it would be 48 hours until the results came back, that she was sure it's MRSA. OMG. You know MRSA? It's basically a really bad staph infection but is also a flesh eating disease. Awesome. Just the kind of thing you want your kid to have to experience.

So basically I've been bleaching and disinfecting everything and trying to keep Landon as comfortable as I can. Have you ever seen an 18 month old baby limp? It is heartbreaking. He's taking medicine twice a day and I'm also giving him baby tylenol for the pain.

Jesse sees it all the time at the jail. People are booked with it a ton...it's way more common than you would think unfortunately. Some child could have had just the very beginnings of the infection and then the bacteria is on the toy structure and then my little boy crawls right over it and it sneaks in through a tiny scratch on his knee.

Never again will we play at the mall. It's not worth it. Prayers for Landon that he heals quickly would be very appreciated! :)

Video blog {number one}

2010-07-31T19:50:00.000-07:00

I thought I'd try for a video blog...just to mix it up a bit. Add a bit of excitement maybe? I think I'm going to do this once a week and I promise one of the next times, I will include Landon in it!

Please enjoy my awkwardness! :)

...wasn't this supposed to be super difficult?

2010-07-31T13:23:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, Jesse said "hey, we should convert Landon's crib to a toddler bed!" I'm all "ummm...I kinda wanted to wait until he's two. And prep him for the change and get him excited about it." He replied with "Eh. Let's just do it today."

Alrighty then.

"Woohoo! Check out my fabulous new bed!"

"I'm such a big boy now."

So later that afternoon when it was naptime, (with my heart pounding and feeling a bit nauseous about what was bound to happen) I put him in his bed, kissed him, said sleep tight and walked out putting the door to the edge. I went and checked on him 5 minutes later and he was all curled up in the corner with his blankie. I thought "well, he's just really, really tired that's why it was so easy. Tonight will be the challenge for sure." That night after reading him his stories and drinking his milk, we did the same thing and he didn't get up. Not once. And the door was open. Even this morning after he woke up he still didn't get out of bed. Not until I went in and said good morning, opened the blinds, etc. did he get down. I don't get it...I have one of the most strong willed children in the world and he's making this so easy! Which is pretty much the first thing that's been easy this far. But I'll take it!

And how cute is this? He's wearing his "my dad is rad" tee from Gymboree which is pretty much the cutest thing evah. I have an interview there next week...which is fabulous except that everything that I'd make would go towards buying Landon more clothes. It's a bit of a problem. He has more summer clothes than I do. We'll just have to see!

who says

2010-07-26T13:33:00.000-07:00

That you can't wear a pretty flower headband when you only have plans to go to the Post Office and pharmacy? Not me! Seriously, stick a flower on your head and it will make your day feel so much more like summer!

And check out the frames I just put above our bed! I just recently put them up and I'm in love with the design. So fun.

Have a happy Monday, okay?

18 months {um, I'm sorry, but when did that happen?}

2010-07-25T20:37:00.001-07:00

Photo by Holly Clouse Photography

I officially have a child who is a year and a half old. Crazy I say, crazy! I am going to have a 2 year old at the beginning of this next year. He simply has to stop growing so fast.

Some fun (and maybe not so fun) things he currently does:

He runs everywhere all. day. long.
He loves blueberries and black olives (Not together though. How weird a combination would that be?)
He signs "please," "thank you," "more," "milk," and "hot" and he says mama, dada, kitty, hot and uhhh huh. He doesn't say a whole lot of real words yet. There's a ton of babbling going on in my house!
He throws, hits and "hammers" his toys on anything that will make a loud sound. It's good times.
He gives kisses complete with a "mmmma!" So cute.
He's super attached to his blankie. And pacifier unfortunately.
He loves books. We read all day long. Starting right when he wakes up in the morning. I'll go in his room to get him up and he's pointing to his bookshelf. :)
Landon adores his walks and stroller rides around the block.
As soon as I get his sunscreen out, he'll sit down wherever he is to wait for me to apply it. (I love this!)
The child loves his multivitamins. It's quite strange.
He "helps" me unload the dishwasher and load wet clothes into the dryer.
He will wave at every car that drives by. Whether we're on a walk around the block or walking through a parking lot, his little hand is out waving.
Landon is my little shadow and I love it!

I totally could keep going and going but I'm sure I've gone on and on about my little man enough for one night. He truly is such a joy!

Just checking in

2010-07-25T13:16:00.000-07:00

Photo by Holly Clouse Photography

Just checking in really quick to say that I am still here and I'm sorry I've been a bad blogger lately! It has been crazy hot outside lately and we've been out and about enjoying the weather. Summer got started really late this year so it is awesome to finally be rid of the rain!

I am still very much looking for a job. I never thought that it would be taking this long but here I am, two months later. I've sent applications, resumes, been on interviews...and nothing. I was most excited to try to get back on with the credit union I had last worked at (for 5 years) but was unfortunately shot down. It's a super long story and I'm not one to ever drag a company's name through the mud, but I will say this. We have since closed out all of our accounts with them. Not because "I didn't get the job," but because of my horrid experience. The new recruiter whom I had never worked with before needs to get off her high horse and come back down to earth with the rest of us. There is a different credit union in the area that I'm hoping to get a job with and hopefully I'll get some good news soon!

Does anyone else go to Plato's Closet like I do? I seriously love the place. I'm all about the thrift shops and I always find the greatest deals there. I was in the other day and found 3 tops and 2 of them still had the tags attached from the original store! The other one was a Michael Stars tank that was only $6! And I was able to sell some stuff and get $27 back. Which a promptly took with me to Target and bought a throw pillow set and a darling basket that I'm going to store rolled up blankets. (Instead of stacking them on one side of the sofa.) I'll take a picture. It's super cute I promise.

Anyway. Today, Jesse got ordered in to work early so Landon and I are just going to be hanging out at home and we'll probably run to the grocery store to get a few things really quick. Should be fun. And tomorrow, Landon has his 18 month check up! Good heavens. When did he get so big? We have this super amazing nurse practitioner who does home visits and I can't tell you how amazing it is not to have to go and wait in a waiting room filled with sick kids!

I hope everyone has had a great weekend! I'll update some more later. Promise:)

Family pictures {July twenty-ten}

2010-07-18T20:10:00.000-07:00

We just had our family pictures taken last week by a wonderful local photographer. She just posted a sneak peek of our shoot on her blog: www.hollyclousephotography.com/blog check them out! She did an awesome job chasing Landon around and being super patient with him.
Our pictures from the beginning of last August were done by her as well. (Landon was almost 6 1/2 months.) It is crazy how much he has grown over the last year. I added some pictures from last year so you can see:) I actually wore the same dress both times. I like it a lot, it's cute and I'm cheap. Haha. Jesse ended up in only his undershirt last year because shortly after we arrived for the shoot, Landon spit up his entire bottle all over him. It. was. awesome. Better luck this year for sure!

Look how tiny he was!

Our little man.

We have this one blown up big in our living room!

Awww:)

Anyway, if anyone lives in the Spokane area and is looking to get some pictures taken, please contact Holly! She's amazing~

{the greatest 9 months of my life} a small look back

2010-07-17T21:58:00.000-07:00

I was seriously beyond excited. Overwhelmed with emotion and so thankful it was finally happening for us! (And I totally wore those 4 inch heels all through my pregnancy. Crazy:)

Christmas Eve 2008. Super puffy and swollen but so happy.

Ah, yes. And this is when black stops being slimming.

It's funny, I remember going to the doctor the day I took this and I didn't feel like I looked this big at all!

This shot was taken just 4 days before Landon was born! By this point, I was having a lot of difficulty sleeping at night. I worked full time until 38 1/2 weeks so I really only had one week off before he was here. My back really hurt and I had foot and leg cramps often. It wasn't too bad though. I think I was just so incredibly thankful to finally be pregnant that I was just like "bring it on!"

Finally here after a long and stressful emergency c-section. I didn't get to see him until an hour and a half after he was born, and I didn't get to hold him until almost 4 hours after he was born. He was wedged down so far in my pelvis from pushing for so long, that he was having difficulties breathing. There was no "and here he is!" with the doctor showing him to me over the curtain.

I was so drugged up and felt horribly nauseous and just wanted to know what was going on. I remember asking "where's Jesse? Where's Jesse?" over and over and no one would answer me. It was scary and frustrating. Check out his poor head! He was all bruised up and even had a black eye:(

After they got his weight and length and bathed him and got him all wrapped up, they finally gave him to Jesse!

My very first look at Landon. One of the most wonderful and surreal moments of my life.

Our miracle.

Photo by Jesse's momma, taken through the glass of the nursery

It's pictures like this that make me want to have another baby so, so, so badly. (I've got baby fever bad.) Jesse loves his little boy so much and we want another one so much. He is just the greatest daddy ever and I am so thankful for him. I want to have a house full of kids with him! But however many we're blessed with is fine with me. I absolutely adore my son and if we're supposed to be a family of three, then that's okay. I wish I didn't love being pregnant so much, it makes it all the more hard remembering how wonderful it was. At least I got to do it once though, right? And for that (and our beautiful little boy) I will be forever thankful.

{another} trip to Silverwood

2010-07-17T20:21:00.000-07:00

The family! (Landon looks to be giving the stink eye to someone. Nice.)

"Yay! I'm so excited I went on the log ride with mommy and daddy!"

"What do you mean I'm too small to ride the ferris wheel?"

That's right people. I posted a picture of myself. In a bikini. On the internet.
Booya.

Meet my beautiful best friend in the whole world and her two adorable kiddos!

We've had a lot of fun so far this summer going to Silverwood together:)

The reason we've been going so often this summer is because we bought annual passes. It's turned out to be a great deal so far! Every time we drive out, we eat a lunch that I had packed ahead of time in the parking lot. It sounds kinda ghetto eating out the back of your car in a parking lot, but it has saved us a ton of money. Landon is a total water baby so having a big water park we can visit whenever we want for free is pretty nice:)

Yay for summertime!

My son sleeps great {but only in his crib}

2010-07-14T21:33:00.000-07:00

Let me just say that it took a heck of a long time to get to the sleep schedule we're keeping today. I won't go into crazy detail but back when he was 3 weeks old, it all started. He had been awake the entire day with no naps and was screaming bloody murder because he was so tired. I had tried everything to get him to go to sleep. You name it. I tried it. Finally at 4pm, out of pure exhaustion and frustration, I put him in his crib and walked out of the room. He cried for 5 minutes (and I cried right along with him) and then, he was asleep. And he slept for 3 hours.

For whatever reason, Landon has never slept well when we're "on the go." He rarely slept in his carseat or in his stroller and would always end up super cranky due to being so overtired. I had always thought that I'd be able to just rock my baby to sleep or be able to stroll through the mall with him sleeping angelically in his stroller. The reality was me walking as fast as I could to the nearest exit with Landon crying. Loudly. Not fun. I remember being so frustrated. Why won't my child sleep? I always see babies and toddlers sleeping in their strollers or in their mommies arms, so seriously what is the deal with my kid?!

So now, and what we've done religiously for the last 6 months or so, is this: I plan my entire day around his naps. He still takes two, one at 10 and another at 3, so now we just do our errands when he's rested (and not hungry.) We also take bedtime very seriously in our house. Walk around the block at 6, bath at 6:30, brush his teeth and hair and then a sippy of milk and stories at 7. I lay him down completely awake and he always scoots to the far end of the crib to sleep all curled up with his very loved brown blankie and Lloyd (his darling stuffed robot friend.)

The main reason we follow a sleep schedule and regular order to Landon's days is because he is absolutely thriving on it. He knows exactly what to expect (during a normal day anyway) and I think it's really comforting for him to know what's coming next. I don't have anything against mommies who have a more relaxed approach to how they structure their children's days, I've just found that this has worked really great for us. :)

Anyway.
The main reason I wrote this post was to share this story: Last night just before I went to bed, I was feeling especially lonely. I won't go into specifics about Jesse's shift, but he works late so I usually always have to go to bed alone. (Sad.) So around 11ish last night, I was turning down the bed and a little thought popped into my head. What if Landon slept with me until Jesse came to bed? Then Jesse could just move him back into his crib for the rest of the night around 2ish . Perfect plan! So I put Jesse's pillow between his nightstand and the mattress and pushed down the comforter on his side to make a spot for Landon. I turned off the lights and snuck off to get my little boy.

He was sleeping like an angel but I was really excited about my (fabulous) idea, and still really wanted to try it. I carried him back to bed with me along with his blankie, Lloyd and another one of his blankets to cover him up. It was about 11:15 by the time I got us all situated. I kept peeking at him and he was just lying there quietly holding his blankie, looking around the room. He wimpered once probably because he was just so confused and was thinking "um, mom? I only sleep in my crib. I thought I had made that clear." I rubbed his little head and there were a couple of times I thought he was asleep but it never happened. :( Jesse came home just before midnight and when he came in, he thought something was wrong because Landon has never slept with us. Landon was excited to see his daddy so I decided to give up. I gave it a good try but let Jesse put him back to bed in his crib. Where he promptly turned on his side burrowed down in his blankies and went to sleep.

One of the things I always wanted was a cuddly baby. One that I would rock and snuggle and could sleep with me and Jesse. What I ended up getting was the complete opposite:) Landon has his cuddly moments from time to time, but it's really okay because it has just made me appreciate and cherish them even more.

Happy things

2010-07-13T20:59:00.000-07:00

Summer updos, bare shoulders and big, fun earrings!
Jesse's days off.
Little tiny vases with fresh flowers
Trips to the mall just to window shop with my boy
Late evenings in bed filled with Friends reruns, diet pepsi and cheddar chex mix!
Folding warm laundry. (You don't even understand. It's a sickness.)
Days filled with Landon, Landon and more Landon.
Looking forward to the holidays- already! Fall and Winter oh, how I love you so.
Buying baby girl things for one of my little sisters who is pregnant. Hopefully I'll be able to shop on that side of the store one day myself! How much fun are tiny pink tutus?!
New sandals! These super fun pink rubber sandals were only $7 at Payless! I'm all excited because I can get them wet and not have to worry about them getting ruined.
Looking forward to buying Landon his first (and probably only, poor kid) pets! We are going to get a bowl of goldfish since his momma is allergic to both cat and dog dander. He absolutely loves fish though so I think he'll really enjoy watching them.
Ordering a 16x16 canvas print of Landon to go over our bed. I absolutely cannot wait to get it! [I'll definately take a picture of the finished project!]
Chocolate chips in vanilla yogurt.
Finally getting to a happier and more positive place with myself and not being quite so much of a bitter betty. (I still definately have my days but it's getting way better.)
So thankful to have such a strong, hardworking and handsome husband!
My little boy who is healthy, happy and growing up more and more everyday:)

{a small look at today}

2010-07-11T15:20:00.000-07:00

Okay, just how cute are these jammies?!

$5 you say? Thank you very much Walmart!

(landy dave is a nickname that his auntie kerri started, and we love it:)

Small meltdown due to him only getting to eat one multivitamin tablet.
Landon absolutely loves them!
(And check out all those teeth!!)

I spent waaay too much time on youtube last night checking out easy summer updos.
It was a bit ridiculous actually but I got quite a few fun ideas! The super cute felt bow is from my friend Morgan's shop Little Lovelies. She is super talented (and so sweet!) and makes the prettiest accessories! Be sure to check out her shop:)

I had been fantasizing about fettucine alfredo with mozzarella cheese melted on top all day.

I made it tonight for dinner. And now my life is complete.

(I only ate half...the rest is for lunch tomorrow. Hurrah! Cheesy goodness!)

I cannot believe we're coming up on 18 months. How did we get here already?

I'm just going to blink again and then he'll be going off to college.

(And yes, that's me in the background with an awkward expression on my face and a bad sunburn. But I digress.)

And another fun picture with a pretty flower from Morgan's shop:)

Something pretty in your hair can seriously make your whole day. Seriously.

And this little guy? He is my whole world, my sweet little peanut, my miracle.

How did I get so lucky to be his momma?

for my boy

2010-07-05T21:47:00.000-07:00

my dearest Landon,

Mommy was just thinking about how incredibly blessed she is to have you as her little boy. You are truly my miracle. Before you came into my life, I just knew something was missing. You and daddy both make up my whole world and I am so thankful for you. I adore your sweet hugs and when you wrap your little arms around my neck to give me a kiss, my heart just melts.

I cannot believe you are almost a year and a half. This time with you so far has flown by. You're growing into such a sweet, smart and happy little boy and I am so excited about what the future has in store for you. Dream big because the sky is the limit!

My heart is so full of love for you and I am so proud to call you my son.

Love forever and always,

momma

"Thanks be to God for His indescribable gift." 2 Corinthians 9:15

{my husband rocks!}

2010-07-03T21:56:00.000-07:00

I had to share one of my favorite sites that I visit often. Here's a bit of info about them from their page:

Marriage was created to be a blessing and a little kindness, selflessness, and respect goes a long way. Accept the fact that your spouse isn't perfect and then start taking notice of all the good things they bring to the table! Pretty soon you can train your mind to be grateful for who they are as opposed to feeling disappointed about who they are not. When you allow yourself to believe that your spouse rocks, you will free yourself from the downward spiral and temptation of self-pity, disappointment, and even despair. The fact is, your spouse is probably a greater blessing than you allow yourself to realize...so lay down your expectations and praise your spouse for his/her attributes. After all, the key is to change yourself! And you'll be surprised at the positive affect it has on the one you choose to love...and you!

It is our mission to encourage marriages and to honor the sacred covenant between a husband and his wife by communicating a positive image of marriage in a fun and stylish way.

My Husband My Hero military green fitted tee $15.99

I just ordered this one and I am so excited to get it!

My Husband's Angel navy fitted shirtdress $22.99

How cute is this dress? Love it. The angel wings are so fun! You can also order it in a short or long sleeved tee version.

My Husband Rocks chocolate fitted tee $17
I have this one! I got it right after Landon was born and it's held up great through many washes and wears:)

My Wife Rocks black metro classic tee $20

They have shirts for your hubby too! I think I'm going to buy one of these for Jesse here soon. We shall see. {wink}

Daddy Rocks chocolate onesie $15
So. flipping. cute. Must buy one soon for Landon!

My only suggestion would be to definately go by the size chart! Depending on the specific fit of the shirt (fitted, relaxed, jr. fit) they can run quite small. I had to order 2 sizes up myself so there would be room to wash and dry it and allow for a small bit of shrinkage.

Anyway, just had to share with you all. Now go and pick one out for yourself and celebrate your spouse!

I made it!

2010-07-03T10:57:00.000-07:00

Well, I survived it. Surgery went well; my doctor found a few spots of endometriosis which he removed as well as a blockage in my right fallopian tube. I meet with him this next Wednesday to get my stitches out and I'll get some more detailed information at that visit. It has been great to have Jesse home these last few days! It's still really difficult to hold Landon since my tummy is so sore, so I really appreciated all his help. I'm going to miss him today when he goes back to work.

I had another interview on Thursday at the Credit Union where I had last worked and I'm really, really hoping I get this job! I have another interview at a bank this next Wednesday as well. Something's bound to work out. ::Crossing fingers!::

I saw Eclipse last night and I enjoyed it! I wouldn't say it was my absolute favorite, but it was definately really good. Two hours of Edward? Yes please. :)

Landon last July, almost 8 months old.

He is just growing up waaay too fast!

Just hanging out on mom and dad's bed watching some Baby Einstein.
With Woody and Tigger of course!

I just took this 20 minutes ago...all cuddly and adorable in the far end of his crib:)

He makes my heart smile.

On just a few things

2010-06-27T21:42:00.001-07:00

Oh hello there! I'm being cheesy and taking pictures of myself waving to the camera.

Ridiculous much?

I really, really wish we could make a trip to the Oregon coast this summer. How relaxing would that be?
I am beyond excited for this coming Friday! Eclipse baby!!!
I'm still waiting to hear back from the bank that I interviewed at...almost 3 weeks ago. (I called for an update and they are still reviewing applications.)
I adore airbrush tanning.
I miss my family and I'm trying to decide when to make the trip across the country to visit them. My last experience on a plane with Landon was not good to say the very least, so I'm a bit scared (completely freaked out) to do it again.
I've been coming to terms a bit more with some things that are going on in my life. Accepting, forgiving, moving on.
I had my pre-op visit this morning and I am mildly freaked out about surgery tomorrow. Hopefully everything will go good.
I love our daily walks around the block before Jesse leaves for work.
I love how we go to Jesse's parent's place every week to visit and have dinner.
I really want to pick up The Carrie Diaries. I know it's another "young adult" book but hey, I read the Twilight series and you all know how I feel about it. I have no shame.
I'll be checking my email on and off during the next few days...I'm going to try to get as much sleep as I can and recover quickly as well. There are no days off being a mom!

Silverwood 2010

2010-06-26T19:55:00.000-07:00

Just after we arrived, we literally ran right into Odie.

He was shy, but the look on his face was just darling!

We pretty much had the toddler splash pad all to ourselves, which was
completely awesome! The weather wasn't supposed to be that great so
maybe that's why the park wasn't too busy. It ended up being a beautiful
afternoon and I'm so glad we made the trip!

Check out those clouds! Looked like it was going to rain but it never did.
Landon loved running around and getting wet!

Best friends! We met waaay back when we were 11 and 12 at VBS.

We've had a lot of good times since then and I'm so thankful to have

her in my life! (Love you Michelle!!)

Good times with daddy on the flying Dumbo ride!

I can't even describe how much I love this picture of us! It was

taken in the parking lot just before we left. (Note the school buses

in the background.)

It was just an all around good day; a really, really good day.

{third time's a charm right?}

2010-06-23T19:32:00.000-07:00

Next week, (Tuesday) I'm going to have a laparoscopy. It's the surgery that I've actually been scheduled for twice before, but both times I ended up pregnant just before they were scheduled. I'm not going to lie, I was really hoping for the same thing this time around. Like if I could just scare my body into doing what it's supposed to do. "You best get pregnant or a doctor will cut into you!" Unfortunately, that is not the case this time around (for sure) so it's a go.

I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. One part of me is actually excited (I know, right?) to finally (hopefully) get some answers on what the heck is going on inside of me. But the other is just plain pissed off that I have to go through a surgery, recovery and then get a fabulous (expensive) bill from the hospital. Yaaay. My wonderful, wonderful, most special friend is going to come over the morning of the surgery (6am people. 6am.) to be with Landon. I cannot even describe how thankful I am for her! My check in time at the hospital is 6:30 and the actual procedure should start around 8:30.

I'm really praying that we get some answers out of all this so we can make a plan of what we're going to do next. I want to get the ball rolling again. I'm not getting any younger that's for sure. And if the doctor doesn't find anything and everything looks good, then I'm just going to have to be patient. (What? Me, have patience? Ridiculous I say!)

And nothing to report as far as getting a job goes. Other than rejection sucks. It doesn't matter how old you are, it still just plain hurts. I guess there's just something better out there.

I promise I'm not 15.

2010-06-22T20:25:00.000-07:00

Eclipse! 8 days left! Well, 10 until I get to see it and I am so flipping excited!!!

I am completely ridiculous. And I am completely okay with it.

Oh Edward, how I love you so.

a few pictures {and stories} from today

2010-06-21T21:20:00.000-07:00

Landon was a wee bit quiet earlier so I went to check on him and...yeah. I guess he wanted to read a book. Good grief.

I had ordered these canvas prints pretty recently from canvaspeople.com. They're having a special where you basically get a free 8x10 and all you have to do is pay shipping! I put them underneath Landon's fun pooh sign that's just above his crib. My sister took both pictures when she visited when Landon was just about 10 months old. She is seriously amazingly talented. Check out her darling shop here.

Oh, how we love Woody (and all things Toy Story) in our house! Landon just got this special friend today, and hasn't parted with him once. It's so sweet! And funny too, because they're pretty much the same size:) I also have to mention that we're trying to wean Landon off the paci and have it only used at naptime and bedtime. The thing is, I'll take it from him and then notice shortly after that he is sucking on a different one. I swear he hides them all over the house. Oh well, it could be worse! :)

It was a good day today. Landon is truly the greatest gift ever.

Happy Father's Day!

2010-06-20T18:24:00.000-07:00

Happy Father's Day to all the dad's out there! I am truly blessed to have a wonderful husband and dad. I love you both!

I should have lived in the 50's

2010-06-16T20:56:00.001-07:00

I don't think I've mentioned it before but I love modcloth.com. It's all vintage inspired clothing, accessories and shoes. And since I'm pretty much obsessed with all things vintage, there are very few things on the site that I don't want. Which would be a problem if I didn't have my credit card frozen in a block of ice in the back of the freezer, or rather, just have really great self control. Anyway.

"The Pin-Up Dress" $44.99

I actually have this one. I bought it a couple months back and it is so. flipping. cute.

"Most Memorable Dress" $164.99

Perfection. Grace. Elegance. The very essence of all things feminine. This dress has it all. Well...everything except a place in my closet.

"Frankly I don't give a dress" $84.99

Va-va-voom, right? I cannot even tell you how much I want this. And since I have virtually no chest to speak of anymore, I could wear something this low cut and not look too...sexy.

Totally a fun date night type dress.

"Beach Blanket Bingo" One piece in black $89.99
And this swimming suit pretty much completes my life. I actually started saving for it awhile back but decided to look around for something similar which brings me to...

This. Okay I know I seriously need to suck in the tummy but hey, I never said I was perfect. This is me 16 1/2 months after having my little boy and I'm happy enough with how I look.
:)
The top is from Target. Clearance for $12.38 and the bottoms (plain black) are from Old Navy reduced to $12. And the shoes? Oh the shoes. Originally from Macys, I picked them up at a thrift store for $6. And you know I'll totally be wearing them with my oversized black sunglasses and red lipstick ...or maybe just with flip flops as I'm chasing Landon around. Which is fine with me. :)

today was a good day

2010-06-15T20:19:00.000-07:00

Alright. I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I flipping love babysteals.com! I've actually been quite good lately and have held back from splurging on anything. (My checking account and Jesse both thank me for that.) But this morning, they had Boogaloo mini coolers that will be perfect for this summer! Picnics, Silverwood, trips to Grandma and Grandpa's house...you name it. I will be taking this baby with us everywhere! And how cute is the blue camo? I love.

When I asked Jesse what he thought I got off of babysteals this morning, he said "did you buy another Petunia Apple Bottom bag?" I'm all "Um, babe? It's Petunia Pickle Bottom. But I love that you almost got it right!" Made me smile anyway:)

In other happy Landon news...he finally learned how to drink out of a straw today! I was drinking a capri sun (because I'm 15 or something) and I'd hold it out to him to try every so often and he finally got it. His whole face lit up and he was all "mmmm!" So then he wouldn't let me have it back and drank the rest of it:) He is so fun. It was a good day today. I am a happy girl.

love it.

2010-06-14T21:36:00.000-07:00

courtesy of facebook

Now that Taylor Lautner is 18, it's not quite as creepy anymore. (What 17 year old kid has abs like that? Good grief. It's not natural.) I was mildly horrified the other day though when I saw that Kristen Stewart was born in 1990. I. am. old. But hey, that didn't stop me from buying an Eclipse ticket for opening weekend. I have no shame. It is a problem. I am ridiculous.

finally summer

2010-06-13T13:18:00.000-07:00

We got out the sprinkler for the 1st time this year and boy did Landon love it!

Love this one. So precious.

No fear at all. He's a little water bug!

Chase me daddy!

Check out my super cool car!

(Thanks auntie michelle, I love it!)

Now you go and have a great rest of your weekend, you hear?

just smile.

2010-06-12T19:58:00.000-07:00

Smile though your heart is aching,
Smile even though it’s breaking,
When there are clouds in the sky
You’ll get by,
If you smile
through your fear and sorrow,
Smile and maybe tomorrow,
You’ll see the sun come shining through for you
Light up your face with gladness,
Hide every trace of sadness,
Although a tear may be ever so near,
That’s the time,
You must keep on trying,
Smile, what’s the use of crying,
You’ll find that life is still worthwhile, if you just smile.
Music Composed by Charlie Chaplin, Recorded by Nat “King” Cole on Capital Records.

You know what?
I have just been in such an extremely difficult place lately.
I'm frustrated.
And sad.
And overwhelmed.
I straight up hate what infertility has done to me.
I'd like to punch infertility in the face.
I'm so tired of being so bitter all the time.

I wish I could go back to the beginning of my marriage.
When there were no stresses about getting pregnant.
When I could genuinely be happy for friends who were starting their families.
And actually feel excited about when we would decide the time was right to start trying.
HA.
Like it's up to us.
When there wasn't the horrid memory of my miscarriage.
(I love you baby hope.)
When my whole life didn't revolve around charting.
And taking my temperature.
And clomid.
And testing.
And disappointment when why God WHY can't there be two freaking lines on the test?!

I wish I could go back to when I was little.
When there was the complete innocence of believing that when you wanted to have a baby,
all you had to do was say a prayer.
When there wasn't the pain of having to tell your husband yet again,
that you started your period.
And having to see that look on his face that absolutely rips you apart.

I don't want to cry about it anymore.
I don't want to obsess about it anymore.
I hate feeling like my body is broken or ruined and that for whatever reason,
won't do what it's supposed to do.
It did it once, why won't it do it again?

Infertility just plain sucks.
I kind of suck too.
If I haven't been the greatest friend lately,
I am sorry.
I'm trying to deal with all this the best I can.

holy moses

2010-06-09T21:05:00.000-07:00

When did he get from this:

(12 days old and yes, he is totally smiling!)

To this:

(16 1/2 months old and such a sweetheart!)

Stop growing up so fast my little love! I can't wrap my head around how fast this is all flying by. If I could just push pause, I totally would.

Changes

2010-06-05T12:21:00.000-07:00

The last few months have been tough to say the least. Most recently, we found out that Jesse's job wasn't quite as secure as we had thought and that there's a good chance he could be laid off. So after I got past the whole freaking out of my mind stage, we looked at the different options we had so we would have a plan if the worst happened.

I ended up applying all over at different banks and credit unions for something (anything) so I could get started somewhere. I had an interview a couple of weeks ago but after meeting with the manager, I found out that I wouldn't get enough hours to make it worth it. I have another interview this Tuesday morning at a bank downtown and I'm both excited and nervous. I wish I interviewed better!

If I get this position, (it's full time), I would only see Landon 1 1/2 hours during the week and pretty much never see Jesse. I'd be working days and Jesse would be working swing and we'd always just miss each other. We'd also have to do the day care thing with Landon 3 days a week and Jesse would be with him during his days off...which never fall on the weekend.

Anyway, I'm just so nervous about this whole thing. I know it's not forever and that I need to do this right now for my family (we sort of need to make our mortgage payment!) but it's still really, really hard. I don't want Landon to forget me. Or not want me when I am home with him. I already feel guilty and I haven't even started working yet! How do you working moms do it? You are amazing.

With all this that's come up lately, we decided to not do our 2nd IUI this cycle after all. Not because I don't want to get pregnant right now, but because of the cost and we don't want to take any money out of our savings unless we have to. And infertility treatments are not cheap. So until we know what's going to happen with Jesse's job, we're going to hold off. Which I hate because I just want to figure out what the problem is already. I am so. over. it.

Wish me luck on Tuesday, I think I'm really going to need it!

Landon at 16 months~

2010-06-01T21:20:00.000-07:00

He can sign "please" and "more" and the next one we're really working on is "thank you."
His favorite foods (most recently) are mac and cheese, strawberries and corn.
He can use a fork pretty well; he'll stab away at the tray until he gets something and then his whole face lights up. So cute.
We're trying to transition to just one afternoon nap around 12:30 and his night-time sleep is still 7pm-6:30am. (Which this momma is absolutely loving.)
No more bottles as of the last month or so. I was still giving him one just before bed for some extra cuddle time, but our pediatrician said no more. (I guess sucking on the bottle nipples is bad for their teeth.) So now we have some stories and a sippy cup of milk instead and it's worked out wonderfully. It is so amazing to lay him down in his crib, give him a kiss and walk out knowing that he'll go to sleep by himself. Such a good boy:)
Speaking of teeth...this boy has a ton. Molars on top and bottom and it seems like everything in between is popping up! Crazy pants.
He loves everyone. Waves, smiles, flirts like crazy. People are always telling us what a happy baby he is.
He loves to go for car rides! We let him crawl down the stairs into the garage and walk over to the car where he tries to climb in by himself. I think it makes him feel like a big boy:)
The vacuum cleaner really scares him. It didn't when he was littler, but now he'll really hold onto Jesse when I do it so he won't put him down!
He loves riding on daddy's shoulders.
He knows where his tummy, toes, head, ears and eyes are.
He adores the water and outdoors. (Yeah...he's totally his daddy's little boy:)

and everytime he says "mama" and reaches up to be held, my heart melts just a little more.

2 years ago today.

2010-05-24T22:15:00.000-07:00

May 24th, 2008

I took a pregnancy test and it was positive. After all the negative tests it was finally, finally positive. I remember looking in the mirror in complete disbelief. Shock. Happiness. Fear that it would end the same way the previous pregnancy had. Just two months before.

I immediately called the after hours maternity line at the hospital and talked with the on-call doctor who had me come in the next day for bloodwork. My second call was to Jesse. I remember telling him that I got a positive pregnancy test to which he responded "okay, we'll talk about it when I get home." I wasn't bothered by his response; he was protecting himself from another heartbreak by not getting too excited too quickly.

I can't believe it's been two years. I can't believe that Landon is 16 months old (today!) I am so incredibly blessed and thankful for my beautiful baby boy. What a miracle.

Just because I've been slacking on sharing pictures

2010-05-23T19:22:00.000-07:00

Little man with Grandpa (my dad) just before he decided to dial 911. We let him play with cell phones a lot and he's never called anyone before, let alone 911! Good grief.

So grown up.
sniff*

This one's for you mom!

He always sleeps all curled up in the corner of his crib. I lay him down in the middle but he'll always sit right up and move down to the far end. Must be cozy!

We already miss you a ton mom, dad, nikki and lindsay! Take lots of pictures on your way across the country! (Wish I could have snuck in a suitcase but I think Jesse and Landon would have missed me. :)

Okay

2010-05-23T15:54:00.000-07:00

I just want to clarify a bit where I'm coming from. I'm sure there are people who read my blog who are thinking "Really, lady? You're complaining again about not having another baby? Get over yourself already and be thankful for what you've got." All I have to say about that is this.

If you've never had to deal with infertility, then you can't understand it.

Of course, I know that this is not their fault. Believe me, I wouldn't wish this on anyone. It's just that if you've never been there and experienced it first hand, you just cannot understand the pain and frustration. And that's okay.

I am so completely thankful and blessed to be a momma to one. Landon is my little miracle and the most special thing in my life. I would never want to make him feel like he's not enough for me or that our family isn't complete just the way it is. If it's supposed to just be the three of us then great!

It has been very difficult for me to have this very strong desire to have more children, but for whatever reason, not be able to achieve another pregnancy. Especially when it comes so easily for some. (You lucky, lucky people you!)

I know that either way, we'll be okay. Whether or not we are able to have more children, it'll be okay. I'll be okay.

Flashback Friday

2010-05-21T14:52:00.000-07:00

This is Jesse (and his brother) from waaaay back when he was in High School.

Can you even believe the bleached blonde hair?

Love it.

When it rains it pours

2010-05-20T19:31:00.000-07:00

We just found out today that my husband's job is possibly going to be doing another round of layoffs sometime in July, and if they do Jesse will be out of a job. We have some ideas of what we'd do (hello again full time job, it's been awhile) but hopefully it won't happen and they'll realize that cutting more employees is not the answer.

Please keep my family in your prayers, we would truly appreciate it.

IUI #1 = FAIL

2010-05-19T10:40:00.000-07:00

Nothing really to say other than it didn't work this time around. I started a new cycle this morning, so we're on to IUI attempt #2. (And on to month #6 on Clomid demon pills demon pills. Yuck.) I am so sick of the disappointment and frustration.

My heart just hurts.

If you're anything like me, you are going to flip out!

2010-05-15T18:01:00.000-07:00

Okay. So you know how I absolutely adore Petunia Pickle Bottom? Yes? Well recently, they came out with brand new shopper totes in adorable prints that coordinate with their diaper bags. The most fabulous part you ask? They are only $12. Be still my heart. $12 for a Petunia bag? Um, yes please.

I love how they package everything super cute with stickers and tissue paper!

(I'm all about the packaging. How fun is it to unwrap a purchase? It's like a little present. Even though you already know what it is.)

I was only going to order one (the darling brown print) but they had a Mothers Day special where with any order on their website, they were including a free tote.
Score! Two for the price of one! (And look how cute they are all folded up!)

Ah, love.
I'm saving for one of the Cake bags right now, even though it will probably take me a year to save up enough. I am absolutely in love with the blue brown combination. Gorgeous right? But who knows, maybe I'll find one on ebay that's half the price. :)

my week so far

2010-05-11T19:28:00.000-07:00

Not a whole lot to update with, just wanted to let everyone know that yes, I am still here.

I'm watching my littlest sisters this week while my parents are on a very belated anniversary celebration over on the east coast. I have my 11 year old sister until Thursday and then I'll switch and bring my (almost) 9 year old sister back with me to finish out the week. It's been really fun! There has been a lot of staying up late watching movies and eating popcorn and she's been a great help with Landon!

Landon just had his 15 month appointment and he's 25.1 lbs (50th %) and 32 1/2 inches tall (90th %.) No surprise that he's a tall boy, he's got some tall genes! He's got teeth coming in like crazy and climbs up on everything. He'll climb up on our ottoman and straight up dive onto the couch. The first time I saw him do it, I thought he was going to break his neck. He has no fear. He is 100% his father's boy. And he's going to give his mother grey hair.

Nothing much to update on myself...I did get a call on Monday from my doctor's nurse to let me know that I did ovulate, so now I just have to wait another week or so before I can test. I'm trying not to obsess. Which is easier said than done.

I do have to share my fabulous thrift store finds from this afternoon....a two piece Gymboree overall/polo shirt set that is pretty much brand new (and totally darling) and a pair of light blue, dinosaur Robeez in a-mazing condition for only $5.99! Eeeee!!! So happy! I've had really good luck lately and thanks to me being thrifty, Landon is going to very well dressed this summer. :)

I hope everyone is having a lovely week so far, and I'll update with more later!

8x8 Picture tag

2010-05-07T10:11:00.000-07:00

I was tagged by the very sweet and stylish Molly, of Stilletos and Diapers, to do a picture tag. When I first read "8x8" I automatically thought scrapbooking, yes? Maybe it's just me. Haha:)

Here are the rules:

Go to your photo files and select the 8th photo folder.
Select the 8th photo in that folder.
Post that photo with the story behind it.
Then challenge 8 bloggy friends to do the same!

This is me in our hotel room while on our Honeymoon in Mexico. I can't get over how young I look. Good grief. And I still have that jean jacket...I got it waaaay back when I worked at Abercrombie and Fitch. Have I not told you I used to work there? (6 of the most challenging months of my life.) Another random fact about me I suppose:)

I tag:

Kerri- Your Wishcake

Michelle- The Ball Family

Morgan- Mrs Priss

Tatum- Watching the Weeds Grow

Kim- Life as I Know It

Kelly- Kandid Kelly

Beth- Joyfuliving

Holly- Holly Clouse Photography

Have fun! :)

Why? Just...why?

2010-05-05T15:09:00.001-07:00

Okay. I get it. Edward's eyes are amazing. And gorgeous. And sexy. But do you really want them tattooed on your back for all of eternity? OMG lady.

(Check out peopleofwalmart.com. It is freaking hilarious.)

confession time...

2010-05-03T16:36:00.001-07:00

Alright. It's time for me to come out the closet and just admit it.

I love punk rock girls.

Seriously. I know you wouldn't expect it coming from me, who also very much enjoys a little Joshua Radin, Dido, Iron & Wine, John Mayer, Schuyler Fisk etc etc, but yes, it is true.

Let's review the following:

Gwen Stefani...I love Gwen Stefani.

She seems like such a cool and fun mom.

We'd hang out and have playdates and it would be awesome.

Maybe not so punk rock in this pic but seriously how gorgeous is she?

I'm a huge Evanescence fan. Shocker right? Their album Fallen is one of my favorites of all time. It's one of those albums where I know every. single. song.

I suppose Amy Lee is probably more of a rocker girl though. Ah, well.

How cute is Avril Lavigne?! And how fun would it be to get all dressed up like this? So fun. But I suppose that since I'm past 25, married and have a small child...it's not going to happen. Her girlfriend music video makes me giddy. (You'd think I was 15.) You haven't seen it? Alright, here. Now you have. :)

Ahhh! I LOVE Hayley Williams! My sister got me into Paramore a couple of years back and I have loved them ever since. She has the coolest style ever. Aaaand they wrote Decode for the movie (yep you guessed it) Twilight. Haven't seen the video for that either? Well, now you have.

Speaking of Twilight.

Kristen Stewart just makes me happy. She totally has her own style, doesn't care what people say about her and hasn't let the fact that she's now a movie star go to her head. She almost seems uncomfortable whenever I've seen her on awards shows/late night tv interviews/just in general. I hope she doesn't change. And I cannot wait to see her in The Runaways. Or Eclipse.

So there you have it. Something you never knew about me and probably never would have guessed. :)